The Second Part of Chapter 24: Bleak Month

Margaret could hear her daughter in tears as she answered the phone. The last time she had been this tearful was at her husband’s funeral, and although she did not like him due to some characteristic of his that she could not quite pin down, she still felt sorry for her daughter for having lost her husband. It was true that there were other fish in the sea, but she simply wanted to see her daughter happy; it had always been first on her mind. This was why Clarissa’s next words struck her like a blow.

“I’m no longer pregnant.”

“What? Oh, Clarissa! You had a miscarriage!”

“Yes. I woke up mysteriously feeling better, and the doctor told me that I had lost her.”

Then I’m no longer going to have a grandchild by her, thought Margaret, even though there would be other chances. What misfortunes have befallen her! She has had far too much death. It was also true that although Margaret wanted her daughter to feel happy, she did not find the deaths tragic for herself. She wasn’t the one who had loved James, and that stillborn child belonged to Clarissa, not herself. Thus, she reacted to this latest tragic news as if it were somebody she did not know, and she felt uncomfortable with herself for thinking this. Didn’t she also take a disliking to James for his detachment and indifferent attitude to everyone who wasn’t Clarissa? That was how she saw it; he seemed to have very few tender relations, even with his parents, she thought, her mind going very quickly, and leaping rashly from one thing to the next. Wasn’t this detachment the same sort that she was currently feeling?

“I’m so sorry,”

“I told Ryan and Patricia. They were in hysterics. I’m surprised that you’re not.”

Margaret wiped a tear from her eye, as she sometimes did when she read a particularly sad story in the news.

“What did you think when James died of that heart attack? It seems to me like he stopped loving you, divorced you, and died, all within four seconds. And you know: a heart attack seems a dodgy way to go for a thirty-three year old.”

“Must you read something that’s not there into James’s death? It was a heart attack, pure and simple, and the shock of unemployment combined with the news of my pregnancy pushed him over the edge. And honestly mom, every time you mention it, you conjure uncomfortable thoughts in my mind. Suggesting that his death was dodgy suggests some responsibility on either my part, or Maurice’s. So please, don’t mention his death.”

“I’m sorry honey,”

“This isn’t exactly the first time you bought this up. It somehow surfaced in a conversation at Christmas, and several other times, which is not a terribly impressive record. It seems like you have an obsession with it.”

“Perhaps I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“You haven’t been discussing this with Hyram or your friends, have you?

“No, honey.” Margaret was sorry she had brought it up, and she was feeling at least a little guilty for making Clarissa reminisce over James’s death, and contemplate her role in it. This gave rise to another thought: would things have turned out differently had I reached out to James? Maybe he would have survived if I had given him my warm support rather than the cold shoulder.

Previous Next